Porn and Teens
The New Drug and Mass Grooming is Intentional
Recently, The Free Press published the runners-up of its annual high school essay contest right here on Substack. The pleasant black and white photos of the young man and young woman featured are not what caught my eye. It was the title of the second essay, I Had a Helicopter Mom. I Found Pornhub Anyway.
Photo by cottonbro studio; pexels.com
As a mother of teen boys and a concerned parent, I was curious to know what a teen had to say about porn consumption and its fall out.
What I read was eye-opening to say the least.
Familiar enough with porn addiction being a major issue in the modern world, I was nonetheless surprised by the frank tone and keen observations made in the article. I am in agreement with the 16 year-old writer’s sentiment regarding porn as a substance, not content, that “needs to be controlled like one.”**
What threw me the most was the fact that the author was first exposed to porn in the fourth grade. Moreover, it wasn’t until I was 3/4 through the article that it dawned on me that the author was not the slim, wide-eyed young man, but the other runner-up, a sweet, girl-next-door type, Isabel Hogben. A girl viewing porn at such a young age? I was stunned. I had only expected a male to author such a line.
Hogben writes :
Today I’m 16, and my peers are suffering from an addiction to what many call “the new drug.” Porn is the disastrous replacement for intimacy among my sexless, anxiety-ridden generation.
First, let’s get on the same page about what porn really is today. When I talk to adults, I get the strong sense they picture a hot bombshell in lingerie or a half-naked model on a beach. This is not what I stumbled upon back in fourth grade. I saw simulated incest, bestiality, extreme bondage, sex with unconscious women, gangbangs, sadomasochism, and unthinkable physical violence. The porn children view today makes Playboy look like an American Girl doll catalog.
Incredible.
Then I thought about my own first experience with porn almost 40 years ago. In my early teens, I babysat for a family that had recently upgraded their cable television subscription. It came with temporary access to the Playboy Channel but a code was needed. Waiting an hour after the children were in bed to make sure they were soundly asleep, a quick trip to the kitchen revealed the access code penciled across the top of a piece of scrap paper. Bingo.
The other adult channels at that time did not start broadcasting until after 10pm. The Playboy channel, however, was in full swing - as in scantily clad swingers. Ten minutes of cheesy dialogue, Frederick’s of Hollywood-style lingerie, bleach-blondes with bad perms and men with schlongers so large I could not imagine them fitting into a woman and I was done. It all seemed silly and weird. The scrap of paper was returned to the exact same spot as I had found it and I moved on to HBO to settle my brain.
Notice the differences between Hogben’s experience and my own. Access was only with a code and a subscription was necessary. The women and men (albeit incredibly endowed) looked like real people, not a breast enlargement or vaginoplasty in sight. My innocent eyes were exposed to nudity and sexual content, but not violence, incest, bestiality, S&M, etc. - most of these horrific acts my eyes have, even to this day, never been subjected to.
In addition, I knew that what I had viewed was fake. In contrast, Hogben thought what she had seen was real. This early crass exposure, her age, ease of access and the belief that all of this is real is absolutely frightening.
Children are savvy when it comes to technology. As Hogben points out, she found a way to view porn despite parental controls. As a teenager, she recommends limiting access to porn sites to only those of age and with a valid ID, similar to gaining access to other controlled substances such as alcohol or tobacco. Or, let’s not forget the most recent it’s-supposedly-not-an-addictive-substance-and-suddenly-good-for-you-so-we-legalized-it: cannabis.
The more I think about what Hogben and millions of other children have been exposed to, despite parental controls on iPads and mobile phones, I get edgy and angry.
When I think about the severe misogynistic, inhumane violent nature of the gangbangs, unconscious women and the brutal sexual acts Hogben saw, I wonder:
How can this be possible? How can a fourth-grader easily find these sites?
How is it that over the last 3 years people were censored, accounts deleted, bots coordinated to attack individuals for questioning the narrative, but it is not possible to stop a child from accessing a porn site? Nope, I’m not buying it.
We now know there was enough money to coordinate a government unit and social media companies to censor and delete posts and cancel individuals on social media around the covid narrative, but somehow there is no money or manpower to block known websites, pornographic images, and predators on the same social media platforms or the internet in general? Nope, I’m not buying this either.
Mental Programming
There is another aspect that needs to be mentioned here: the mental programming that takes place when exposed to pornographic material, particularly at a young age.
In interviews, Anneke Lucas, a former child sex slave sold into a murderous European pedophile ring, has described the methods used to train her. The ring’s methodology centres around the trauma inflicted by viewing hours of explicit and violent porn films as described in Hogben’s article, and the trauma endured by engaging in these sexual acts, and worse. Lucas claims that the pornographic films also served to train her mind to recognise a pedophile’s sexual proclivities through visual cues and gestures she picked up on in the films.
This is sadistic high-level grooming and mental programming.
This also means the images and films Hogben describes are also used to program children as sex slaves in pedophile rings. Let that sink in.
Pornographic material on the internet is the mass grooming of children for accepting as normal violence against women and thusly gives way to a generation that internalises and later practices brutal rape culture.
Think I’m going too far with that last claim? It’s already happening. Let’s look at some of the research Hogben provides:
A recent BBC study of 2,000 UK men ages 18–39 found that 71 percent have gagged, slapped, choked, or spat on their partner during sex. A third said they don’t think to ask for permission before committing these acts.
What we typically hear from men such as Andrew Tate at this point is that if it is consensual, it is okay. But why would a woman consent to aggressive and demeaning acts that cause pain and humiliation from her partner?
Hogben goes on to answer this question:
An Indiana University study shows that the earlier a girl is exposed to porn, the more she will accept behaviors like choking, facial ejaculation, and “aggressive fellatio” from a sexual partner.
This is when my anger starts to turn into a low-burning fury. 71% of millennial/genX men- are practicing these violent acts with and without permission and girls are accepting of many of them. This is not normal. This is not healthy. This is one-dimensional programmed harmful sex. These practices are a sign of a brutal rape culture born of early exposure to harmful pornography and is devoid of intimacy, heart connection and dare I say it, love.
With modern technology, the advent of AI and the obvious mass-censorship we have experienced over the last 3 years, the prevalence and quick access children have to porn is easily preventable and therefore any exposure to it on the internet is ultimately intentional.
This includes the lewd images, inappropriate content and predators contacting young girls on Instagram within seconds of posting a new profile. All this is supposedly too difficult to stop online.
I call bullshit.
Call to Action for Men
Realise your mind has been hijacked. It is time to take back your power and quit porn for good. Women do not want to be hurt and subjected to harmful practices in bed. In fact, as a man it is your responsibility to provide a safe container in all aspects of the relationship, especially when a woman is most vulnerable - naked and in your arms. The things you learned from porn are causing trauma to your partner. If you need help quitting porn, Fightthenewdrug.org can help.
Call to Action for Women
Realise that you, just like men, have been brainwashed into denying your true sensual nature and behave in ways that are detrimental to your physical, mental, and sexual health. Demand a porn-free relationship, investigate heart-centred sexual exchanges, rebuild your nervous system and drop the participation in aggressive practices.
Call to Action for Parents
Many of us parents have been fearful of broaching this topic with our children. But ignoring the facts won’t make things any easier.
We need to work on different fronts simultaneously. Access to porn on the internet needs to be made illegal for minors and hefty fines need to be levied to encourage enforcement.
We need to hold social media companies and YouTube accountable for their lack of protection from predators and sexually explicit and violent content. We need porn sites to be blocked from innocent eyes across the internet.
We need to talk about love, relationships, and sex vs pornography with our children. Their sex education is taking place in a sadistic pornographic classroom at a shockingly young age. There is no love, heart-to-heart connections, tenderness, closeness, mutual pleasure or beautiful love making in the online scenarios.
These children are learning what beautiful sex and love making is not. It is not the mistreatment of other beings, e.g. beating, slapping, restraining, spitting, smacking, aggression, etc. If we parents do not paint another picture of intercourse, e.g. a multi-dimensional one of intimacy and sacredness where another being is cherished - our children will only have the internet as an example of what people do behind closed doors. Do you want your child to be one of the 71% mentioned above?
It is not enough to put on a parental control and be in the next room hoping they really are playing Fortnite for the ten thousandth time.
It is not enough to think that “having that talk” now is too early and is age inappropriate. What children are learning online is already inappropriate and definitely too early. Have that talk now in an age appropriate way.
It is not enough to talk about it once and then drop the topic. One and done does not drive home the uniqueness we humans have when it comes to the raw vulnerability and beauty of sharing one’s body with another in this sacred act. Keeping the lines of communication open with your child over the long term is important.
Perhaps it goes without saying, but be sure to activate parental controls on all devices, and check the web browser history regularly. Place alarm clocks in bedrooms. For all ages, turn off the wifi overnight and collect devices to a communal resting spot where all devices sleep overnight, including yours. Yes, you as a parent are expected to be a role model here. This routine creates healthy sleep hygiene and prevents reaching for mobiles first thing in the morning.
Have cranky and tired kids? Children and teens often stay up texting, gaming or watching porn well into the night. Put the modem on a timer to shut off so your teen is unplugged and sleeping at a decent hour. If your child is young - introduce electronic devices later rather than earlier in life. New habits will create resistance in the beginning. This is normal. But is it our job as parents to do the right thing, not the easy thing.
Get the conversation going
Need some support to start a conversation? Fightthenewdrug.org is a great website with articles, research, and information for anyone concerned about the rampant consumption of porn. There are also helpful resources and conversation blueprints for parents here. Most of the material on the website is in English and Spanish and includes information from apps that can be installed on your child’s devices to helping with porn addiction.
Get the conversation going. Talk to other parents and share this article. More importantly, share Isabel Hogben’s original article, too. Reading about a teen’s experience can open up the conversation. And stoke the fire to get legislation passed on national and international levels.
I for one, am going to take my boys out on a walk in the woods this weekend and use a conversation blueprint from Fight the New Drug. In the past I have found that sitting at the table talking about these things does not tend to go well. Boys and men can have better conversations when they are physically active and not looking someone directly in the eye.
Children need to be protected. No one else is going to do it. It has to start with us - all of us - men, women and parents. The sooner, the better for our own sake as well as the next generation’s.
**I would even argue, that due it’s highly addictive nature and potential for harm, it needs to be controlled similar to the gambling industry. Surely the porn industry is just as lucrative, if not more so, than the gambling industry. A win for parents to have it regulated, and a win for government coffers.